As a pescetarian for over 14 years, I did once enjoy meat, and I enjoy a veggie burger that approaches the smell, look, and texture of beef. When I make a Beyond Burger at home, I toast and butter the roll, sauté onions with Worcestershire and soy sauce, and slather on some Dijon mustard. I’ve enjoyed the Impossible Burger at restaurants like BRGR and Dave & Buster’s. More than half the experience of a decent burger, at least it seems to me now, is the accompaniments.

One of my guilty pleasures back when I ate fellow mammals was White Castle. I crave the entire slider experience, including the rehydrated browned onions and soft steamed bun. I’ve gone to great lengths to eat at White Castle: taken detours in New Jersey, made special subway trips in Manhattan, driven long distances in Chicago, taken the Metro and walked alone at night in St. Louis, talked it up to family while visiting Las Vegas. It’s probably a good thing I’ve never actually lived close to one. I recognize it’s not the healthiest fare. It’s a memory of childhood, the first fast food I remember eating when we were in the Bronx.

Now Impossible Burger claims to have an improved version, and it’s debuting at White Castle. One reviewer talked up the Impossible Burger 2.0 in an Engadget article. But look at this photo:

It doesn’t look any better than the original Impossible Burger. And how is this a White Castle product? The proportion between burger and bun is completely wrong, because that’s not the bun White Castle should be using. And why is there a piece of lettuce stuck between?? They need to go back to the drawing board. Make a slider that looks and tastes like a slider.

Of course, my complaints are not going to prevent me from homing in on a White Castle the next time I’m near one, to try this new product.